Noah's tiny voice is so Powerful

I was able to talk to Noah yesterday and i can hardly wait to see him this saturday clapping his hands and saying "daddy". Terrie said i could come over early Christmas morning to see Noah. my life has been in a storm for quite some time now. a few years ago, i gave in to making some decisions that put me on path that has brought so much pain in my life that i cannot bear to even try to put it in words. Noah is proof that God can bring something beautiful out of untimely decisions and bounderies we cross. God's Grace is sufficient to meet the need and not only meet the need but also bring an abundance of joy into our life. a joy so real and so overflowing that it affects everybody in our lives.

Noah's tiny little voice coming thru the phone ignites a fire in my heart that warms my soul. the only thing better than hearing his voice is being able to see his smiling face and those beautiful little hands and feet. i love you little buddy, and our day will come. i promise.

God knows where i am

God knows exactly what we are facing and He also knows it will pass. i remind myself often the phrase, "this too shall pass.." today has been a lonely day for me. i want to call my son but i know my call won't be answered. it's been over a week now since i've heard his little voice say daddy. i miss him...

when God needs to make changes in our lives, it will sometimes bring pain. i know i've placed myself in the path of destruction and i have reaped for sometime now. some have said, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
good things come to those who wait, and God knows where i am...

knowing what you want

one day unexpectedly, i met someone which sparked a fire inside of me that was uncontrollable. this fire began to rage and came at a time in my life that would bring certain destruction to my way of life. it would force me down a path that would later seem like a bad dream and it would cause me to feel disconnected from everything i've ever known. if i could have only kept my eyes on the Lord.

happiness doesn't come from a job or even a career, it doesn't come from a relationship with a woman or a man but true happiness only comes from a right relationship with God. it's happens when we cultivate a right relationship with our Heavenly Father, the One who is fairer than 10,000 to my soul, the Rose of Sharon, the Lilly of the Valley, the Bright and Morning Star. that's when we will be happy. when we are happy, then others will be able to be happy when they are around us. i love making other people happy and that piece of me has been broken now for a long time.

i used to encourage others and serve as a shining a light for others to see their way out of dark places. but for sometime now i've been struggling to see anything and i've had to rely on the generousity of others to help encourage me and show me the way. i told God today that i was confused about my life and He asked me, "what do you want"? i told him that i wanted to be a good husband and a good father...

My heavenly father desires to give me things better than i can imagine. i don't know how my life can get better but that's not my job. i've only got in His way. He's been waiting for me to exhaust all means and turn my life completely over to Him.

well... i've decided that i'm thru gettin in His way.

Grace is a wonderful gift

Grace is a wonderful gift that has been given to me on many occasions and even recently God has blessed me through people that love me. Last week a good friend of mine left a note of encouragement on my desk along with a love offering. Then my sister mailed me a check to help take care of a legal matter so that i can get visitation rights to see my son. A couple of days ago, another friend of mine asked me to come and stay at his house for a few days until the freezing weather passes. 

My oldest son Chris calls me everyday and he'll never know how much he has helped me to see my way thru these uncertain circumstances. Whenever my son Enoch sees me at work, he puts his arms around me and tells me he loves me and that everything will get better and that he's praying for me. as much as i wish for things to change, wishing doesn't really do a lot, but it prayer that changes our circumstances. lately, i've been getting more time praying with God and my days have included Him from the time i get up, until i go to sleep.

God's Grace has pulled me thru during other times in my life when i thought it could get no worse and God's Grace will do it again. God's Grace is sufficient to meet my need and if i could fix my life then He would get no glory. But when my life is made whole, it will God that will get all the glory. I love the Lord and I'm trusting Him to fix my life. I read somewhere that there are no problems... only opportunities.

The Heart is Amazing

i read an article once that talked about an amazing fact about the human heart. during a heart transplant the body is kept alive with artificial help until the completion of the transplant. then an amazing thing happens... when the new heart is in place and the blood begans to flow a miracle takes place. the new heart begins to beat on its own when the blood begans to flow through it.

When the potter sees a flaw or crack in a piece of pottery, he breaks it, grinds it down and will mix it with new clay to prepare a new vessel. to be broken is not meant to be a disgrace even though it feels that way, but it's only a step in the process to become exactly what the Potter wants us to be. Psalm 34:18 says, The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart...  i have learned that when we think God is no where to be found, He is nearer than He's ever been. When His blood begans to flow in us, our hearts will automatically began to beat.

When our faith is tested

i know in order for us to grow we must be tested and when we are God's children he prepares us before we are tested. a few weeks ago, noah came and stayed with me for 3 weeks and it made me happier than i have been in a very long time.

sometimes we are greatly blessed just before we are pressed against the wall so that our faith can lean on the strength that comes from past blessings. i know this because i've been against the wall before.

my older boys, chris and enoch always encourage me to press on and to hold on to God's Grace.

i love the sound of the rain

its a beautiful thing to see and hear the rain falling from above. right now i'm lying down on the couch, working on my computer while watching survivor. it's so relaxing to hear the rain hitting the roof. i have finally come to the place and accepted that only God can fix my life. i don't know what wonderful things He has for me, but i am sure He loves me and excited about whatever it is that He has in store for me.

it has been an amazing journey for me to be able to do things with my middle son enoch. in this picture he is fixing an xbox for his brother-in-law.  he has a smile that is always contagious. i love you buddy.

Chris calls me almost everyday and checks on me. i love getting to hear his voice and listen to him tell me about what he's doing and how his day is going. its always uplifting to hear him talk about how much he loves his boys. hearing him laugh is like the sun shining on my face... it feels good. i miss getting to see him but hopefully i'll get to go down and see him at my mom's house for thanksgiving. thanks for calling me and always making my day brighter. love ya buddy!

Noah is learning to say all kinds of things and starting to make short sentences. he is so smart and funny. i have to say the 3 weeks he was with me was the best 3 weeks i've had in a long time. i can't wait to see him again. we did something fun everyday. but our favorite time was going to bed and waking up. its so much fun watching him wind down and then watching him wake up in the morning like a flower opening up to see the sunlight. Lulla...