The Lord is my strength!

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Hallelujah and Praise the Lord Almighty for his wonderful works that He is doing in my life. God has touched my life during the past few weeks and has transformed me into a new man. He has recovered my joy, repaired the brokeness of my heart, and opened my eyes to see His Glory.

i've been praying for God to make a way for me to be with my family and this past weekend was another awesome gift from God. i know it is just a sample of more great things to come. God has greater things than i can imagine in store for me and my family.

i've been praying for God to work a healing in my life and the presence of God was overwhelming to say the least. i feel like He has poured out His Grace on me and my family.

Jehovah-Tsori - Lord my Strength - Psalm 19:14

Obedience

during the past 6 weeks, i've heard God speak to me three distinct times with instructions. the first time was just before Christmas when i was at a very troubled time in my life. i know that when you are in a storm, God is either trying to teach you something or else He is asking you to do something... so i prayed that night and asked God, "what do you want?" it was as though he paused and said nothing back for a few minutes, then all of a sudden i heard him say to my heart, "what do YOU want?"

it stunned me because it had been 3 years since i had really heard God speak to me that way. i told Him, i want to be with my family, with my little Noah and my beautiful Terrie. i told Him that i wanted to be a good husband and a good father.. a man that would lead his family to church and in the paths of righteousness. as soon as i said that, He then made it perfectly clear for me to call Steven Ray to schedule a time for us to meet. God wanted me to come clean with my best friend that i had decieved and betrayed. it had been 3 years since i had talked or seen my friend. but he sounded glad to hear me on the phone and agreed to meet me. it was like God lifted a thousand pounds from off my shoulders.

immediately after i got back to Georgia from my Christmas visit, i said to God, ok, whats next? what would you have me to do now? there was no pause, but in the next instant, i felt God telling me to pay my tithe.

last weekend was the first time i have paid my tithe since my life crumbled down around me. after i put my tithe envelope in the offering, sometime happened that i can't explain... except for saying that it felt like God washed my soul clean from all guilt.. it was as though i was transformed into a brand new person. i felt taller, i felt like the prodical son that had just walked into the presence of his father. i believe that this was a major turning point in my life that is to be. i walked out of the church with Terrie and Noah that day with a new outlook on life. for the first time, i felt like i was who God wanted me to be and i was also the man that God wanted Terrie and Noah to have in their life.

on the way home i was praying and thanking God for giving me such a wonderful weekend with my family. i asked Him a personal question about me and terrie. i asked Him if terrie still loved me... i know He didn't have to tell me, but He did tell me... He told me that she really loves me. i can't begin to say just how much that did for me. it removed all the axiety that has been pushing me down, it removed the insecurity of not getting to talk with her everyday. it eased my mind and healed my brokeness.. it gave me a new sense of confidence in myself and in my relationship with terrie.

ealier tonight i was praying and asking God for His next instruction and i felt Him tell me to set aside time everyday to read His Word. i read 10 chapters in Proverbs and could feel the power of life flowing into my soul. with every word that i read, it felt like God was actually talking to me. its amazing to be able to hear God speak to me. with each step of obedience, i feel like the chains of imprisonment are falling off of me. my goal is to be with my family and for that to happen, i will be obey everything God tells me. i know that He has said that if we will delight ourselves in His word, that He will give us the desires of our heart. it's my desire to be with my family. i love you Terrie and i love you Noah...

God is smiling at me

wow! this past weekend was all that i hoped for and more. when i walked out to greet them, noah started clapping his hands and yelling DADDY! DADDY! yeah my heart was pounding and i was jumping up and down and clapping my hands too!

it was wonderful to have a few days to relax and have fun with my little noah and my terrie. we swam for 4 hours and it seemed like the whole world stood still while we were having so much fun. noah loved playing in the pool and swimming. he was so cute with his little swimmies. he kicked his little legs and swam all over the place.

it was amazing to hear him talk and sing and pray... i loved hearing him pray over our food. he is beautiful and i want to be in his life all the time. God asked me a few weeks ago what i wanted and i said to be in Noah's and Terrie's life. God has promised me that if i will trust in Him that He will give me the desires of my heart.

i feel like the storm that has been hovering over me is about to change. we went to church at Mount Hebron in Mobile and felt the power of God. Bro Joe preached about turning lose of "that" so we can grab hold of "this". i'm definitely liking "this" blessing that God is bringing into my life. i'm feeling alive again and it feels good. i know that God has forgiven me and i have also forgiven myself.

i know that God has great things in store for me. i believe that this is going to be one of the best years of my life!

big plans for the weekend!

ok... two days ago i found out that i'm getting to see noah this weekend and it was like heaven came down and touched my soul. God knows everything and has not forgotten me. He's been talking to me all along but until a couple of months ago i've not been very good at listening but He's got my undivided attention and i'm determined to stay close and focused. i've got everything laid out and ready to head out in the morning. only have a half day to work and then i'll be headin' south. i think about that "hwy 20 ride" by the zac brown band with every trip i make to see noah. got him a little frog that winds up and swims in the water, a dump truck that makes three different sounds, and i'm planning on taking him to the park to see the ducks. i've got a room at the ashbury hotel so we can have fun swimming in a heated pool. sunday we're going to a church to hear one of my favorite preachers, pastor joe johnson at mount hebron church. i know my storm is not yet passed but i know beyond any doubt that the clouds are moving and that is very encouraging to me. i don't yet know what is about to happen in my life, but i can feel its going to be something good and i'm my heart is already rejoicing.

happiness is an inside job...

there's nothing like seeing his little eyes light up when he sees you walk into the room. i love him so much and in the picture he's looking at a card i sent him with some pictures of me and him. he is so smart and i loved getting to hear him talk and laugh. we had so much fun together when he came to georgia.

i was reading a book today that said happiness is an inside job. i immediately thought of Noah and how this little guy can deliver the goods. i love you little buddy...

• whether he's pushing his dump truck
• or turning up the radio in my truck
• when he falls asleep lying on top of me
• or when i wake up with his toes on my face
• after he sees you walk in at his daycare
• or when he's wanting you to chase him at the park
• when he's throwing rocks in the creek
• or when he runs out and heads back to get more
• i love it when he wakes up and starts grinning
• it's amazing to feel his little hand holding on to mine
• when he's falling asleep and you barely hear him breathing
• or seeing him stand on his tip toes
• its beautiful to watch him watching his movie
• i can't get enough of hearing him say daddy
• to hear him pray is precious
• there's nothing like hearing him whisper in your ear

breath of fresh air

something is happening in my life and for the first time in a long time it feels like i can breathe. there's nothing like getting a breath of fresh air from heaven...

Psalms 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

i was standing in church this past Sunday praying as the congregation was singing worship songs and i was enjoying the overwhelming feeling of the presence of God. in my praying i was asking God to rescue me from my storm, i told him i was drowning and had no more strength... in that very moment, the next worship song started with the words "rescue me"... it went on to have almost every thing in it that i prayed. it was God showing me that He was listening to my cry.

i can feel something big is about to happen in my life and to be honest it has shook me to my very core. God has something in store for me that i cannot even imagine. i know He loves me and will make a way for me to be able to move forward in the path He has made for me.

Psalms 23:3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

falling down is the easy part

david was a man after God's own heart, but he also was drawn away by his sinful nature which caused a lot of pain. yet david's life did not end there, he walked on. falling down is a part of life... it's the way i learned how to ride a bike, a horse, a pogo stick, and a unicycle. falling down has always come natural but it's the getting up that comes from a determination not to give up or give in. it's a characteristic that was instilled in me from my parents. i'm not afraid of getting dirty, working hard, and investing all that i have in the ones i love.

my life has taken a lot of falls and getting back up has been hard to do. its not easy to face the truth sometimes, especially when you've given your heart to someone to have it broken. love is a wonderful thing but when its misguided it can lead you into some very dark places and make you think that things will never change.

God has loved me all of my life as long as i can remember. He has watched over me even when i was not watching Him. He has enabled me to lead others to the Cross and allowed me to walk in the paths of righteousness. He has also allowed me to fall away from His path to find myself lost in my own failures. He's allowed my life to become broken and lifeless but not hopeless.

this year could very well be the best year of my life. it could possibly erase all the pain that has pushed me in the darkness and inprisoned me. i believe that God is able to take what is left of me and bless it to make something that can be used to bring Him glory. i can almost hear samson say, "if i could only be used one more time to bring glory to God". i can almost hear david say, if i could but drink one more time from the well which is at bethlehem.. david was in a cave and could hear the roaring battle in the distance, but when he asked for a drink of water, he really didn't want a bucket of water from the well... he wanted to bring glory to God. he was referring to the time in his life when he was strong in the Lord and when he was a man after God's own heart that brought glory to God.

david was a great man, a good man, a man after God's own heart. a man that sought God early and a man that said he would not be satisfied until he awoke in the likeness of God. in otherwords, david was saying that his goal was to bring glory to God and to find a way to be in His presence.

it has felt like i have been battling for my life, my joy, and my fatherhood to my beautiful little boy. i love you Noah more than words could ever say. i want to be in your life and i want you to be in my life. i miss you little buddy, it was so good to be able to talk to you on the phone, i loved hearing you say that you loved me. i love you too and i promise our day is coming soon. when it does, there's no doubt we'll have so much fun with lots of laughing and playing. it will be a good day for sure!