Life is good

...and it's getting better everyday. this picture was taken a few days ago when i went down to see my little boy. it's been a long eight months living 5 hours away from noah. it was necessary for me to walk thru this desert to find my forgiveness. i've been praying for God's forgiveness but what i had trouble with was my forgiveness. the other day i was listening to one of my favorite song groups (casting crowns) singing "east to west" and it reminded me that God's forgiveness is so divine that it is as though we have never sinned. it feels good to be able to believe myself when i say I am a good man, i am a good father, i am a christian, i am forgiven and i feel clean again.

God is sovereign which means he is in control. In John chapter 11 there's a story about lazarus getting sick and dying. Jesus purposely delayed his arrival until lazarus died. sometimes when we are in distress we want Jesus to hurry up when at times He will purposely delay His coming until things get worse. Martha said in John 11:21 "Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died..." and Jesus replied, "Thy brother shall rise again". Martha then said, "I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day" she said I know, signifying that she felt confident that she knew the scriptures.  Jesus said, "I am the resurrection"... in other words, He was asking, I know you know what the scriptures say, but do you know me? It didn't sound right for Jesus to say he was glad to not have been there when Lazarus died but He had a greater purpose for His delay. and that was to prove His sovereignty even when we think He should do otherwise.

Thank you God for loving me ;-)

A Clean Feeling

it was a nice day at church yesterday... it was the first time in a long time for me to feel clean and comfortable at church rather than feeling like i had mud all over me. God gave me a wonderful feeling that has replaced the one that the devil had caused me to feel. (like everyone was staring at me)

the chains that have kept me from raising my hands have been broken. i felt free to lift my voice in praise and it was a wonderful feeling to sing and play the piano. God has a way of mending us though it sometimes seems that we may never be the same. the thing that God wants us to see is that it's true we may never be the same but He has a way of making things better than they ever were.

it's hard for me to imagine how He can make things better, but i know He has proven it time and time again. i will be happy again, i will allow myself to make others happy, i have forgiven myself for hurting others, i have accepted God's forgiveness and know that He has cast my sins as far as the east is from the west. by his Grace it is as though i have never sinned.

no one has the right to look at me with disgust or dissappointment. i am but a fallible man that has been saved by the Grace of God. i am a good man but at times i err and at times i'm imperfect. i strive to be a perfect man but i understand that i am not perfect. i serve a God who is perfect and i strive to be like Him (Matthew 5:48). one day i will lay this body down and on that day, i will be perfected (I Corinthians 15:54). but until then, it is a perfecting process.

as silver is heated, the dross and imperfections rise to the surface. the process is to remove what rises to the surface and then reheat the silver until it becomes pure. it's not easy going thru the process but the outcome will be worth going thru the fiery trial. getting rid of the worldliness that lies within us is imperitive for us to have a clean feeling.

I Peter 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: [v.13] But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

i am looking forward to what great things God has in store for me and the ones i love. He is in control of my income, my shelter, my transportation, my work, and my family. it is my desire to become a vessel of honor, prepared for every good work. it is only then that i will be the best person that i can be. i am truly a good man when i am God's man.

II Timothy 2:20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour. [v.21] If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, [and] prepared unto every good work.