When God says, "Now let me show you what I can do"

it's been said that when pushed to the limit, a person could go without air for 3 minutes, without water for 3 days, and without food for 30 days. i remember a story in Exodus 15:22 after God parted the red sea and used Moses to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt. verse 22 says they went three days into the wilderness and found no water. verse 23 says when they came to Marah they could not drink of the waters for it was bitter. the people of course murmered against moses but God spoke to moses in verse 25 to cut down a tree and cast it into the waters. when he did this, the waters became sweet so that they could freely drink. then after this remarkable day they later found twelve wells of water in verse 27.

this tells me that they had gone as far as they could go. they were at the point of total exhaustion and dehydration. their bodies were weak, their minds were not thinking clearly, and because it said they murmured, it leads me to believe that they had no hope. it was when they had reached this place in their life that they found a pool of water at a place called Marah, but yet they couldn't drink because it was bitter water. some people have suffered so long that they have become bitter. they have what they need but don't know how to appreciate it. when God told moses to cut down a tree and cast it into the waters, it was a representation of the Cross of Calvary. when the Cross of Calvary comes into our bitter waters, it will also cause the waters to become sweet and drinkable.

God has a plan for me. When we go as far as we can go and do everything in our power without success... it is then and only then that God says, "Now let me show you what I can do"

till the storm passes

i know even when the sky is full of clouds that the sun is still shining. we may not be able to see the sun but that doesn't mean that it's not there. i also know that when we are in a storm of life, that God is either trying to teach us something or else He is asking us to do something. in my case, it was the latter and the other night was the first time in a really long time that i could actually feel God speaking to my heart. i had wrapped my presents and was finishing up packing to make my trip down to see Noah when i asked God, "when is this storm going to pass?" it was as though the wind blew over my soul and God spoke to my heart and told me to go see a friend that i decieved and betrayed.

so i told God i would go see this friend and make amends. i got to spend all day Christmas with Noah and he loved the my gifts. i gave him a Thomas the Train riding toy which was his favorite thing. he LOVED it so much and played and played with it. i also gave him a pair of cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. which i'm sure he will be more interested in later. it was hard to leave my little boy as he would tug on my pants and say "mone daddy, come play, sit" he loved me to sit in the floor and play with him. he loved pretending to cook pancakes with me. it was a treasure that i would only be allowed to hold for a little while before being asked to leave. i had to remind myself that God is in control and will turn things around for me. i drove out of the driveway not being able to hold back the tears as my chest pounded in agony.

i drove on to mississippi to spend the night with my mom and she was so glad i came. my dad past away last year and it was my mom's first Christmas without my dad. Christmas day was also my dad's birthday. she had built a fire for me in the fireplace. she knows i'm cold natured and i like being warm.
the next morning we got up early but my body was still trembling from trying to process being apart from my little noah. i told my mom i would pass on breakfast so she put together some snacks for me to take with me on my trip. i drove down to see my sister and then started on my trip to go see my son Chris who lives near Houston. it was a long drive with lots of time for me to think about how my life had become so broken.

my son Chris calls me everyday to see if i'm doing ok and always seems to know what to say to me to pick me up. he was cooking fahitas and maria his wife was also baking a fig cake and the boys were waiting with excitement to pour some love all over me. i got out of the car to receive some big hugs and my little grandsons, michael and donny led me to where the door of their house. when i walked inside, i saw maria in the kitchen, and the baby, benaiah sitting in his highchair eating so patiently with a big ole smile and food on his face. the other two grandboys were in their rooms playing xbox so i walked in to see them and get some hugs from them too.

it felt good to sit down and eat some home cooked food with my family. it was real mexican food that you can't find just anywhere. and watching them interact with each other and hearing their voices was a real change from how it is usually for me. i miss the laughter of my family and know that God is working on something grander than i can imagine. after dinner, we watched michael, donny, and beniah play as though it was a movie on tv. they were so funny.
after bedtime came for the little boys, me and chris stayed up talking. it is always a pleasure to hear my son talk to me with so much compassion, respect, and wisdom. i love him more than i could ever put into words. he talked to me about what God had brought him thru and how that God was not blind to what my circumstances. he encouraged me not to allow my worries to make me so sick and that in a matter of time, this storm would pass.

i got up the next morning to see michael and donny standing beside my bed just waiting for me to open my eyes. i showed them how to make shadow puppets and they both liked how you can put both hands together and make it look like a bird. we made our way to the kitchen and eventually poured some chocolate milk. it was a good time seeing them play and i also got to spend some time with zane and raul too.
we had flautas for lunch which maria knew was my favorite mexican food that she cooks. her and chris packed me a bag full of snacks and she also gave me a big piece of fresh baked fig cake. with tears streaming i knew i had to leave once again. its never easy leaving the ones you love so much. as i drove out of the parking lot, i could barely see for the tears in my eyes. i love you chris.

Noah is 2 years old and the love of my life. i have over a 1000 pictures of him and find him more precious everyday. he loves trains, trucks, woody and buzz. he is so beautiful and i love him so much. i can't wait for the day that God allows us to be together all the time.

i love you little buddy...

Noah's tiny voice is so Powerful

I was able to talk to Noah yesterday and i can hardly wait to see him this saturday clapping his hands and saying "daddy". Terrie said i could come over early Christmas morning to see Noah. my life has been in a storm for quite some time now. a few years ago, i gave in to making some decisions that put me on path that has brought so much pain in my life that i cannot bear to even try to put it in words. Noah is proof that God can bring something beautiful out of untimely decisions and bounderies we cross. God's Grace is sufficient to meet the need and not only meet the need but also bring an abundance of joy into our life. a joy so real and so overflowing that it affects everybody in our lives.

Noah's tiny little voice coming thru the phone ignites a fire in my heart that warms my soul. the only thing better than hearing his voice is being able to see his smiling face and those beautiful little hands and feet. i love you little buddy, and our day will come. i promise.

God knows where i am

God knows exactly what we are facing and He also knows it will pass. i remind myself often the phrase, "this too shall pass.." today has been a lonely day for me. i want to call my son but i know my call won't be answered. it's been over a week now since i've heard his little voice say daddy. i miss him...

when God needs to make changes in our lives, it will sometimes bring pain. i know i've placed myself in the path of destruction and i have reaped for sometime now. some have said, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
good things come to those who wait, and God knows where i am...

knowing what you want

one day unexpectedly, i met someone which sparked a fire inside of me that was uncontrollable. this fire began to rage and came at a time in my life that would bring certain destruction to my way of life. it would force me down a path that would later seem like a bad dream and it would cause me to feel disconnected from everything i've ever known. if i could have only kept my eyes on the Lord.

happiness doesn't come from a job or even a career, it doesn't come from a relationship with a woman or a man but true happiness only comes from a right relationship with God. it's happens when we cultivate a right relationship with our Heavenly Father, the One who is fairer than 10,000 to my soul, the Rose of Sharon, the Lilly of the Valley, the Bright and Morning Star. that's when we will be happy. when we are happy, then others will be able to be happy when they are around us. i love making other people happy and that piece of me has been broken now for a long time.

i used to encourage others and serve as a shining a light for others to see their way out of dark places. but for sometime now i've been struggling to see anything and i've had to rely on the generousity of others to help encourage me and show me the way. i told God today that i was confused about my life and He asked me, "what do you want"? i told him that i wanted to be a good husband and a good father...

My heavenly father desires to give me things better than i can imagine. i don't know how my life can get better but that's not my job. i've only got in His way. He's been waiting for me to exhaust all means and turn my life completely over to Him.

well... i've decided that i'm thru gettin in His way.

Grace is a wonderful gift

Grace is a wonderful gift that has been given to me on many occasions and even recently God has blessed me through people that love me. Last week a good friend of mine left a note of encouragement on my desk along with a love offering. Then my sister mailed me a check to help take care of a legal matter so that i can get visitation rights to see my son. A couple of days ago, another friend of mine asked me to come and stay at his house for a few days until the freezing weather passes. 

My oldest son Chris calls me everyday and he'll never know how much he has helped me to see my way thru these uncertain circumstances. Whenever my son Enoch sees me at work, he puts his arms around me and tells me he loves me and that everything will get better and that he's praying for me. as much as i wish for things to change, wishing doesn't really do a lot, but it prayer that changes our circumstances. lately, i've been getting more time praying with God and my days have included Him from the time i get up, until i go to sleep.

God's Grace has pulled me thru during other times in my life when i thought it could get no worse and God's Grace will do it again. God's Grace is sufficient to meet my need and if i could fix my life then He would get no glory. But when my life is made whole, it will God that will get all the glory. I love the Lord and I'm trusting Him to fix my life. I read somewhere that there are no problems... only opportunities.

The Heart is Amazing

i read an article once that talked about an amazing fact about the human heart. during a heart transplant the body is kept alive with artificial help until the completion of the transplant. then an amazing thing happens... when the new heart is in place and the blood begans to flow a miracle takes place. the new heart begins to beat on its own when the blood begans to flow through it.

When the potter sees a flaw or crack in a piece of pottery, he breaks it, grinds it down and will mix it with new clay to prepare a new vessel. to be broken is not meant to be a disgrace even though it feels that way, but it's only a step in the process to become exactly what the Potter wants us to be. Psalm 34:18 says, The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart...  i have learned that when we think God is no where to be found, He is nearer than He's ever been. When His blood begans to flow in us, our hearts will automatically began to beat.