till the storm passes

i know even when the sky is full of clouds that the sun is still shining. we may not be able to see the sun but that doesn't mean that it's not there. i also know that when we are in a storm of life, that God is either trying to teach us something or else He is asking us to do something. in my case, it was the latter and the other night was the first time in a really long time that i could actually feel God speaking to my heart. i had wrapped my presents and was finishing up packing to make my trip down to see Noah when i asked God, "when is this storm going to pass?" it was as though the wind blew over my soul and God spoke to my heart and told me to go see a friend that i decieved and betrayed.

so i told God i would go see this friend and make amends. i got to spend all day Christmas with Noah and he loved the my gifts. i gave him a Thomas the Train riding toy which was his favorite thing. he LOVED it so much and played and played with it. i also gave him a pair of cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. which i'm sure he will be more interested in later. it was hard to leave my little boy as he would tug on my pants and say "mone daddy, come play, sit" he loved me to sit in the floor and play with him. he loved pretending to cook pancakes with me. it was a treasure that i would only be allowed to hold for a little while before being asked to leave. i had to remind myself that God is in control and will turn things around for me. i drove out of the driveway not being able to hold back the tears as my chest pounded in agony.

i drove on to mississippi to spend the night with my mom and she was so glad i came. my dad past away last year and it was my mom's first Christmas without my dad. Christmas day was also my dad's birthday. she had built a fire for me in the fireplace. she knows i'm cold natured and i like being warm.
the next morning we got up early but my body was still trembling from trying to process being apart from my little noah. i told my mom i would pass on breakfast so she put together some snacks for me to take with me on my trip. i drove down to see my sister and then started on my trip to go see my son Chris who lives near Houston. it was a long drive with lots of time for me to think about how my life had become so broken.

my son Chris calls me everyday to see if i'm doing ok and always seems to know what to say to me to pick me up. he was cooking fahitas and maria his wife was also baking a fig cake and the boys were waiting with excitement to pour some love all over me. i got out of the car to receive some big hugs and my little grandsons, michael and donny led me to where the door of their house. when i walked inside, i saw maria in the kitchen, and the baby, benaiah sitting in his highchair eating so patiently with a big ole smile and food on his face. the other two grandboys were in their rooms playing xbox so i walked in to see them and get some hugs from them too.

it felt good to sit down and eat some home cooked food with my family. it was real mexican food that you can't find just anywhere. and watching them interact with each other and hearing their voices was a real change from how it is usually for me. i miss the laughter of my family and know that God is working on something grander than i can imagine. after dinner, we watched michael, donny, and beniah play as though it was a movie on tv. they were so funny.
after bedtime came for the little boys, me and chris stayed up talking. it is always a pleasure to hear my son talk to me with so much compassion, respect, and wisdom. i love him more than i could ever put into words. he talked to me about what God had brought him thru and how that God was not blind to what my circumstances. he encouraged me not to allow my worries to make me so sick and that in a matter of time, this storm would pass.

i got up the next morning to see michael and donny standing beside my bed just waiting for me to open my eyes. i showed them how to make shadow puppets and they both liked how you can put both hands together and make it look like a bird. we made our way to the kitchen and eventually poured some chocolate milk. it was a good time seeing them play and i also got to spend some time with zane and raul too.
we had flautas for lunch which maria knew was my favorite mexican food that she cooks. her and chris packed me a bag full of snacks and she also gave me a big piece of fresh baked fig cake. with tears streaming i knew i had to leave once again. its never easy leaving the ones you love so much. as i drove out of the parking lot, i could barely see for the tears in my eyes. i love you chris.

Noah is 2 years old and the love of my life. i have over a 1000 pictures of him and find him more precious everyday. he loves trains, trucks, woody and buzz. he is so beautiful and i love him so much. i can't wait for the day that God allows us to be together all the time.

i love you little buddy...