When God says, "Now let me show you what I can do"

it's been said that when pushed to the limit, a person could go without air for 3 minutes, without water for 3 days, and without food for 30 days. i remember a story in Exodus 15:22 after God parted the red sea and used Moses to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt. verse 22 says they went three days into the wilderness and found no water. verse 23 says when they came to Marah they could not drink of the waters for it was bitter. the people of course murmered against moses but God spoke to moses in verse 25 to cut down a tree and cast it into the waters. when he did this, the waters became sweet so that they could freely drink. then after this remarkable day they later found twelve wells of water in verse 27.

this tells me that they had gone as far as they could go. they were at the point of total exhaustion and dehydration. their bodies were weak, their minds were not thinking clearly, and because it said they murmured, it leads me to believe that they had no hope. it was when they had reached this place in their life that they found a pool of water at a place called Marah, but yet they couldn't drink because it was bitter water. some people have suffered so long that they have become bitter. they have what they need but don't know how to appreciate it. when God told moses to cut down a tree and cast it into the waters, it was a representation of the Cross of Calvary. when the Cross of Calvary comes into our bitter waters, it will also cause the waters to become sweet and drinkable.

God has a plan for me. When we go as far as we can go and do everything in our power without success... it is then and only then that God says, "Now let me show you what I can do"

till the storm passes

i know even when the sky is full of clouds that the sun is still shining. we may not be able to see the sun but that doesn't mean that it's not there. i also know that when we are in a storm of life, that God is either trying to teach us something or else He is asking us to do something. in my case, it was the latter and the other night was the first time in a really long time that i could actually feel God speaking to my heart. i had wrapped my presents and was finishing up packing to make my trip down to see Noah when i asked God, "when is this storm going to pass?" it was as though the wind blew over my soul and God spoke to my heart and told me to go see a friend that i decieved and betrayed.

so i told God i would go see this friend and make amends. i got to spend all day Christmas with Noah and he loved the my gifts. i gave him a Thomas the Train riding toy which was his favorite thing. he LOVED it so much and played and played with it. i also gave him a pair of cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. which i'm sure he will be more interested in later. it was hard to leave my little boy as he would tug on my pants and say "mone daddy, come play, sit" he loved me to sit in the floor and play with him. he loved pretending to cook pancakes with me. it was a treasure that i would only be allowed to hold for a little while before being asked to leave. i had to remind myself that God is in control and will turn things around for me. i drove out of the driveway not being able to hold back the tears as my chest pounded in agony.

i drove on to mississippi to spend the night with my mom and she was so glad i came. my dad past away last year and it was my mom's first Christmas without my dad. Christmas day was also my dad's birthday. she had built a fire for me in the fireplace. she knows i'm cold natured and i like being warm.
the next morning we got up early but my body was still trembling from trying to process being apart from my little noah. i told my mom i would pass on breakfast so she put together some snacks for me to take with me on my trip. i drove down to see my sister and then started on my trip to go see my son Chris who lives near Houston. it was a long drive with lots of time for me to think about how my life had become so broken.

my son Chris calls me everyday to see if i'm doing ok and always seems to know what to say to me to pick me up. he was cooking fahitas and maria his wife was also baking a fig cake and the boys were waiting with excitement to pour some love all over me. i got out of the car to receive some big hugs and my little grandsons, michael and donny led me to where the door of their house. when i walked inside, i saw maria in the kitchen, and the baby, benaiah sitting in his highchair eating so patiently with a big ole smile and food on his face. the other two grandboys were in their rooms playing xbox so i walked in to see them and get some hugs from them too.

it felt good to sit down and eat some home cooked food with my family. it was real mexican food that you can't find just anywhere. and watching them interact with each other and hearing their voices was a real change from how it is usually for me. i miss the laughter of my family and know that God is working on something grander than i can imagine. after dinner, we watched michael, donny, and beniah play as though it was a movie on tv. they were so funny.
after bedtime came for the little boys, me and chris stayed up talking. it is always a pleasure to hear my son talk to me with so much compassion, respect, and wisdom. i love him more than i could ever put into words. he talked to me about what God had brought him thru and how that God was not blind to what my circumstances. he encouraged me not to allow my worries to make me so sick and that in a matter of time, this storm would pass.

i got up the next morning to see michael and donny standing beside my bed just waiting for me to open my eyes. i showed them how to make shadow puppets and they both liked how you can put both hands together and make it look like a bird. we made our way to the kitchen and eventually poured some chocolate milk. it was a good time seeing them play and i also got to spend some time with zane and raul too.
we had flautas for lunch which maria knew was my favorite mexican food that she cooks. her and chris packed me a bag full of snacks and she also gave me a big piece of fresh baked fig cake. with tears streaming i knew i had to leave once again. its never easy leaving the ones you love so much. as i drove out of the parking lot, i could barely see for the tears in my eyes. i love you chris.

Noah is 2 years old and the love of my life. i have over a 1000 pictures of him and find him more precious everyday. he loves trains, trucks, woody and buzz. he is so beautiful and i love him so much. i can't wait for the day that God allows us to be together all the time.

i love you little buddy...

Noah's tiny voice is so Powerful

I was able to talk to Noah yesterday and i can hardly wait to see him this saturday clapping his hands and saying "daddy". Terrie said i could come over early Christmas morning to see Noah. my life has been in a storm for quite some time now. a few years ago, i gave in to making some decisions that put me on path that has brought so much pain in my life that i cannot bear to even try to put it in words. Noah is proof that God can bring something beautiful out of untimely decisions and bounderies we cross. God's Grace is sufficient to meet the need and not only meet the need but also bring an abundance of joy into our life. a joy so real and so overflowing that it affects everybody in our lives.

Noah's tiny little voice coming thru the phone ignites a fire in my heart that warms my soul. the only thing better than hearing his voice is being able to see his smiling face and those beautiful little hands and feet. i love you little buddy, and our day will come. i promise.

God knows where i am

God knows exactly what we are facing and He also knows it will pass. i remind myself often the phrase, "this too shall pass.." today has been a lonely day for me. i want to call my son but i know my call won't be answered. it's been over a week now since i've heard his little voice say daddy. i miss him...

when God needs to make changes in our lives, it will sometimes bring pain. i know i've placed myself in the path of destruction and i have reaped for sometime now. some have said, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
good things come to those who wait, and God knows where i am...

knowing what you want

one day unexpectedly, i met someone which sparked a fire inside of me that was uncontrollable. this fire began to rage and came at a time in my life that would bring certain destruction to my way of life. it would force me down a path that would later seem like a bad dream and it would cause me to feel disconnected from everything i've ever known. if i could have only kept my eyes on the Lord.

happiness doesn't come from a job or even a career, it doesn't come from a relationship with a woman or a man but true happiness only comes from a right relationship with God. it's happens when we cultivate a right relationship with our Heavenly Father, the One who is fairer than 10,000 to my soul, the Rose of Sharon, the Lilly of the Valley, the Bright and Morning Star. that's when we will be happy. when we are happy, then others will be able to be happy when they are around us. i love making other people happy and that piece of me has been broken now for a long time.

i used to encourage others and serve as a shining a light for others to see their way out of dark places. but for sometime now i've been struggling to see anything and i've had to rely on the generousity of others to help encourage me and show me the way. i told God today that i was confused about my life and He asked me, "what do you want"? i told him that i wanted to be a good husband and a good father...

My heavenly father desires to give me things better than i can imagine. i don't know how my life can get better but that's not my job. i've only got in His way. He's been waiting for me to exhaust all means and turn my life completely over to Him.

well... i've decided that i'm thru gettin in His way.

Grace is a wonderful gift

Grace is a wonderful gift that has been given to me on many occasions and even recently God has blessed me through people that love me. Last week a good friend of mine left a note of encouragement on my desk along with a love offering. Then my sister mailed me a check to help take care of a legal matter so that i can get visitation rights to see my son. A couple of days ago, another friend of mine asked me to come and stay at his house for a few days until the freezing weather passes. 

My oldest son Chris calls me everyday and he'll never know how much he has helped me to see my way thru these uncertain circumstances. Whenever my son Enoch sees me at work, he puts his arms around me and tells me he loves me and that everything will get better and that he's praying for me. as much as i wish for things to change, wishing doesn't really do a lot, but it prayer that changes our circumstances. lately, i've been getting more time praying with God and my days have included Him from the time i get up, until i go to sleep.

God's Grace has pulled me thru during other times in my life when i thought it could get no worse and God's Grace will do it again. God's Grace is sufficient to meet my need and if i could fix my life then He would get no glory. But when my life is made whole, it will God that will get all the glory. I love the Lord and I'm trusting Him to fix my life. I read somewhere that there are no problems... only opportunities.

The Heart is Amazing

i read an article once that talked about an amazing fact about the human heart. during a heart transplant the body is kept alive with artificial help until the completion of the transplant. then an amazing thing happens... when the new heart is in place and the blood begans to flow a miracle takes place. the new heart begins to beat on its own when the blood begans to flow through it.

When the potter sees a flaw or crack in a piece of pottery, he breaks it, grinds it down and will mix it with new clay to prepare a new vessel. to be broken is not meant to be a disgrace even though it feels that way, but it's only a step in the process to become exactly what the Potter wants us to be. Psalm 34:18 says, The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart...  i have learned that when we think God is no where to be found, He is nearer than He's ever been. When His blood begans to flow in us, our hearts will automatically began to beat.

When our faith is tested

i know in order for us to grow we must be tested and when we are God's children he prepares us before we are tested. a few weeks ago, noah came and stayed with me for 3 weeks and it made me happier than i have been in a very long time.

sometimes we are greatly blessed just before we are pressed against the wall so that our faith can lean on the strength that comes from past blessings. i know this because i've been against the wall before.

my older boys, chris and enoch always encourage me to press on and to hold on to God's Grace.

i love the sound of the rain

its a beautiful thing to see and hear the rain falling from above. right now i'm lying down on the couch, working on my computer while watching survivor. it's so relaxing to hear the rain hitting the roof. i have finally come to the place and accepted that only God can fix my life. i don't know what wonderful things He has for me, but i am sure He loves me and excited about whatever it is that He has in store for me.

it has been an amazing journey for me to be able to do things with my middle son enoch. in this picture he is fixing an xbox for his brother-in-law.  he has a smile that is always contagious. i love you buddy.

Chris calls me almost everyday and checks on me. i love getting to hear his voice and listen to him tell me about what he's doing and how his day is going. its always uplifting to hear him talk about how much he loves his boys. hearing him laugh is like the sun shining on my face... it feels good. i miss getting to see him but hopefully i'll get to go down and see him at my mom's house for thanksgiving. thanks for calling me and always making my day brighter. love ya buddy!

Noah is learning to say all kinds of things and starting to make short sentences. he is so smart and funny. i have to say the 3 weeks he was with me was the best 3 weeks i've had in a long time. i can't wait to see him again. we did something fun everyday. but our favorite time was going to bed and waking up. its so much fun watching him wind down and then watching him wake up in the morning like a flower opening up to see the sunlight. Lulla...

The World Stands Still

when i'm with noah, the world stands still. a few weeks ago, noah's mom asked if i would like to keep noah with me for a couple of weeks. it was an overwhelming feeling of joy to know that me and my son could play and have time to bond without having to worry about the weekend ending. noah turned 2 years old, october 18th and loves trains, planes, trucks, horses, and guitars. he loves going to the park and playing on the playground equipment and slides. his two favorite times are going to bed and waking up. he loves looking at books together and stealing my pillow. its a time that nothing else matters... just me and noah. i love watching him wake up. he's like a flower unfolding and full of geniune smiles and love.

noah loves throwing rocks in the creek. there's a little park area just down the road from where we like to go and play. the water is crystal clear and noah is definitely in charge. he is so precious. seeing and hearing him be happy and laugh makes my heart pound out of my chest. it's the best medicine that a dad could ever take.

he's always busy and never meets a stranger. he says hey to everybody we pass. there's magic in the air when he opens his eyes in the mornin' and a calm peace that comes over me when i watch him close them at night. he like me to sing to him and it's beautiful to hear him sing along with me in his own words. he is so loving.

i love you little buddy, you make me feel wonderful!

just what i needed

wow, just when i think i'm going under, Jesus reaches out to me and says, take my hand. i had a few really bad days over the past few weeks but God has been in the midst and is holding my hand every step of the way. He never promised that we wouldn't have bad days but He has promised to be by our side and that He would never leave us or forsake us. Daniel prayed three times a day and still went to the Lion's den but found out that God was with him even in the bottom of the pit. Good things are in the works but even if things didn't change, God is still God and i know He still loves me. Its when we tie God to our good times that we fail to realize that He is God regardless of what we are facing. He's God on the mountain and God in the valley. And i've spent quite a bit of time in both of those places.

got up early, cooked some oatmeal and had everything ready for Noah before he woke up. he is so loving when he goes to bed and when he wakes up. well really, he's just loving all the time. i managed to get him to his school on time and i didn't cry today but there was a sad few moments just before i got him to his daycare when he got real quiet and looked at me without saying anything. he knew i was about to drop him off. but when i pulled up to his parking lot, he smiled and said train! then he said... us-go! that made me feel so much better.

Whatsoever things are lovely

Phl 4:7,8 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things

Terrie and Noah are definitely gifts from God. They both are so beautiful and so loving.
 
God has great plans for those who wait on Him. He desires to bless us more than we want to be blessed. It's hard to imagine just how much He loves us.

When God is in View

when God is in view, nothing else really matters. Peter saw Jesus and even though he was in the midst of a raging storm, he walked on water. as long as he kept Jesus in view, he was above the water. i can't see my future but God is in view and i've known God for a long time. i am completely satisfied in His care. He has a perfect record and has never made a bad decision. i know He plans to bless me and those that i care about. so i am looking up and looking ahead to whatever He has for me.

a friend of mine told the story about a cartoon clipping he saw. in the first picture was an egg beginning to hatch. the next picture, the little chick had pecked his way out of the shell and stretching his legs. the next picture showed the little chick in the midst of chaos. the next couple of pictures showed him looking to the right and then to the left, before crawling back inside the empty shell and closing in where he had pecked his way out. the moral of this story is that there was one place the little chick failed to look and that was up. when we look up, that is where we will always find our help. Psalm 121:1

God has always loved me and in His Divine mercies He has always surrounded me with people that love me. I am grateful to be where I am. I am thankful for what I have been given. I am hopeful for what the next few months will bring because my heart has been stirred with God's never failing promises.

now let me show you what i can do

nothing wrong with dreamin big... i think about that a lot. God has better things in store for us than we could ever imagine. He wants to bless us more than we want to be blessed. when we figure out that its only when we fully submit our heart, our faith, and our will to Him, that he will step in and say, "Now let me show you what I can do".

my noah will be 2 years old next month on October 18th. its been a little over a year since we lived together and believe me, its been the hardest thing i've ever done. it didn't seem like the right thing at the time, nor has it felt right being away from him, but i know God has a greater plan for me, for terrie, and for noah.

me and Noah took a trip over to mississippi this past weekend and stopped in at chick fil a for a little something to eat and some play time. he is so lovable and i am so blessed. every day that i have with noah is father's day for me.

is it just me being a dad or isn't he the most beautiful little boy in the world! he is such an instrument of God's love and Grace. there's nothing like a good dose of playing with Noah that makes you feel wonderful!

Submitting my will to God

I love it when I'm in the presence of God. Its easy to get sidetracked trying to figure out God's will for our lives when in fact if we can find our way into the presence of God and stay there long enough, God will reveal His will to us. Is is just me or do we all seem to try to make things happen? How many times must I make myself learn the lesson that I have no power to make things happen. It's in God's hands and the lesson I have to learn over and over is to submit my will to His will. Submission is sometimes confused with making sure I do my part. What I mean by this, is that I do not want to fall into the category of floating downstream and just going with whatever happens and calling that God's will. I know that God's people follow the cloud that leads them thru deserts, rivers, and mountains. There's quite a bit of struggling on our part but as long as we stay under the cloud, God will provide our every need. He will guide us through all of our trials and we will enter into the Promise Land to enjoy all that He has for us. Yeah, it's easier said than done. Sometimes we are just too quick to judge the Israelites for their foolishness in the wilderness. But aren't we just like them? God delivers us, we worship Him, we eventuall take Him for granted, He allows trouble to come our way to remind us who we are and who He is, then we pray for His deliverance, He delivers us, we worship, and the cycle continues... wow don't know where all that came from but let me get back to what God is doing for me.

My life crashed a few years ago when I allowed myself to get confused about where I was standing. I thought I was on solid ground and all the while I was drifting out to sea. Paul said, I Corinthians 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. All the while that God was blessing me in the ministry that He so gracefully gave me, I was involved in a great battle of my soul, mind, and body. Someone once told me that mountains are not always diminished by earthquakes but in more cases they eroded over time by wind, rain, and the sands of time. It's almost like the devil continually throws pebbles at you, not enough to knock you down but just minor damage that you overlook and say to yourself, well, is that all you got, i'm still standing, still preaching, still praying. little do we understand that this minor damage is his masterplan to attack us little by little eroding away the mountain that God has blessed us to preserve and maintain.

All of a sudden, we shake ourselves like Samson and understand that we have lost the source of power that allows us to do great things for God. We shake ourselves again and again until we lose all hope of ever being that person who we were. It's a time of soul searching and it's very heart wrenching to look back at how many things we traded away during our time when we were out at sea. It reminds me of when Paul was on the ship in the midst of a hurricane, he said in Acts 27:19 ...we cast out with our own hands the tackling of the ship. sometimes in order for us to say alive, we have to cast out everything we own. it's a terrible feeling to be at sea, in the dark, in the storm, without hope, and now without anything but the clothes on our back. but these men were assured by Paul saying that he had heard from God and God had promised that He would save them. hmm.. guess i needed to write a few lines huh?

spent $350 dollars last week on getting my truck fixed. i didn't like that but God blessed me with some overtime hours at work that will help me get caught back up a little. I'm getting to work some overtime hours in the kitchen and i have to say it is truly refreshing to be in the company of such a great team that Eric has in the kitchen staff. My first day was awesome, he let me do prep work involving preparing several hundred pieces of french toast, bacon, and sausage. then i helped prepare 120 salads. tonight i worked again doing prepwork and got to work with a knife... woo hooo! yeah it felt really nice. i sliced and diced my way through cucumbers, tomatoes, and cilantro.

last year i started working in the grounds department, for the past few months i've been working in the IT department, and now i'm beginning to get to work some in the kitchen. it's all good, and my desire is to become a MOD. don't know what God has for me but it would be wonderful to work here and live on campus. It's ok to dream big because God can do anything and for now, besides having a family, my dream is to work here and live here.

planning on going to alabama this coming weekend to see my beautiful little boy. he's almost two and i love him "this much!" (arms stretched out as far as i can reach)

things that make me smile

noah loves driving and playing in my old truck and its definitely at the top of my smiling list. this pic is june 2010 and noah is 20 months old. he loves to wear a cap and is full of energy every moment he is awake. he is truly a joy that makes me want to live. every trip i make to see him, i think about the zac brown song, hwy 20 ride. when i'm not with him, i think about him constantly and its my desire to establish myself spiritually and financially so that i can hopefully be with him everyday and every
night.

Terrie is an excellent mother to Noah and is a full time student at Alabama Southern. We are both striving to do the right thing in our lives. One thing is for sure, we both agree that Noah is the most beautiful boy in the world!

this boy loves to eat and in this pic he's got a buttermilk biscuit that he helped me make. he loves to pretend cook and when i'm visiting, i always let him help me in the kitchen. he is so smart and lovable.

this expression is priceless! it looks like he is telling me "I got this driving thing under control"

here's a picture of noah with his glow worm and in his words, the"good book"

he loves seeing motorcycles so i got him this battery operated 4wheeler. the first day he rode it, he stayed on it till it got dark and we had to pry him off of it. he loves riding and calls it his tractor.

here's another one of those priceless expressions. he looks like he's in deep thought about what we can do next. he loves the outdoors and never seems to run out of energy. i love him so much!

this is his control room spot, he likes being in control of the radio. he'll turn it wide open and then look at me a grin, and start dancing and moving his head back and forth. yeah, that makes me smile...

he loves watermelon, can you tell?

noah has the "brushing your teeth thing" down to a science. thank's mom for keeping us both on the right track with our brushing skills.

it overwhelms me to see how much he loves me and i want to be a good father to him. i know God has a master plan and it's not for me to wonder why things are the way they are, but its my job to follow him and wait for him to open the door. there's no doubt in my mind that there's a better day coming for me and i will always cherish each moment i get to spend with my son.