Obedience

during the past 6 weeks, i've heard God speak to me three distinct times with instructions. the first time was just before Christmas when i was at a very troubled time in my life. i know that when you are in a storm, God is either trying to teach you something or else He is asking you to do something... so i prayed that night and asked God, "what do you want?" it was as though he paused and said nothing back for a few minutes, then all of a sudden i heard him say to my heart, "what do YOU want?"

it stunned me because it had been 3 years since i had really heard God speak to me that way. i told Him, i want to be with my family, with my little Noah and my beautiful Terrie. i told Him that i wanted to be a good husband and a good father.. a man that would lead his family to church and in the paths of righteousness. as soon as i said that, He then made it perfectly clear for me to call Steven Ray to schedule a time for us to meet. God wanted me to come clean with my best friend that i had decieved and betrayed. it had been 3 years since i had talked or seen my friend. but he sounded glad to hear me on the phone and agreed to meet me. it was like God lifted a thousand pounds from off my shoulders.

immediately after i got back to Georgia from my Christmas visit, i said to God, ok, whats next? what would you have me to do now? there was no pause, but in the next instant, i felt God telling me to pay my tithe.

last weekend was the first time i have paid my tithe since my life crumbled down around me. after i put my tithe envelope in the offering, sometime happened that i can't explain... except for saying that it felt like God washed my soul clean from all guilt.. it was as though i was transformed into a brand new person. i felt taller, i felt like the prodical son that had just walked into the presence of his father. i believe that this was a major turning point in my life that is to be. i walked out of the church with Terrie and Noah that day with a new outlook on life. for the first time, i felt like i was who God wanted me to be and i was also the man that God wanted Terrie and Noah to have in their life.

on the way home i was praying and thanking God for giving me such a wonderful weekend with my family. i asked Him a personal question about me and terrie. i asked Him if terrie still loved me... i know He didn't have to tell me, but He did tell me... He told me that she really loves me. i can't begin to say just how much that did for me. it removed all the axiety that has been pushing me down, it removed the insecurity of not getting to talk with her everyday. it eased my mind and healed my brokeness.. it gave me a new sense of confidence in myself and in my relationship with terrie.

ealier tonight i was praying and asking God for His next instruction and i felt Him tell me to set aside time everyday to read His Word. i read 10 chapters in Proverbs and could feel the power of life flowing into my soul. with every word that i read, it felt like God was actually talking to me. its amazing to be able to hear God speak to me. with each step of obedience, i feel like the chains of imprisonment are falling off of me. my goal is to be with my family and for that to happen, i will be obey everything God tells me. i know that He has said that if we will delight ourselves in His word, that He will give us the desires of our heart. it's my desire to be with my family. i love you Terrie and i love you Noah...

God is smiling at me

wow! this past weekend was all that i hoped for and more. when i walked out to greet them, noah started clapping his hands and yelling DADDY! DADDY! yeah my heart was pounding and i was jumping up and down and clapping my hands too!

it was wonderful to have a few days to relax and have fun with my little noah and my terrie. we swam for 4 hours and it seemed like the whole world stood still while we were having so much fun. noah loved playing in the pool and swimming. he was so cute with his little swimmies. he kicked his little legs and swam all over the place.

it was amazing to hear him talk and sing and pray... i loved hearing him pray over our food. he is beautiful and i want to be in his life all the time. God asked me a few weeks ago what i wanted and i said to be in Noah's and Terrie's life. God has promised me that if i will trust in Him that He will give me the desires of my heart.

i feel like the storm that has been hovering over me is about to change. we went to church at Mount Hebron in Mobile and felt the power of God. Bro Joe preached about turning lose of "that" so we can grab hold of "this". i'm definitely liking "this" blessing that God is bringing into my life. i'm feeling alive again and it feels good. i know that God has forgiven me and i have also forgiven myself.

i know that God has great things in store for me. i believe that this is going to be one of the best years of my life!

big plans for the weekend!

ok... two days ago i found out that i'm getting to see noah this weekend and it was like heaven came down and touched my soul. God knows everything and has not forgotten me. He's been talking to me all along but until a couple of months ago i've not been very good at listening but He's got my undivided attention and i'm determined to stay close and focused. i've got everything laid out and ready to head out in the morning. only have a half day to work and then i'll be headin' south. i think about that "hwy 20 ride" by the zac brown band with every trip i make to see noah. got him a little frog that winds up and swims in the water, a dump truck that makes three different sounds, and i'm planning on taking him to the park to see the ducks. i've got a room at the ashbury hotel so we can have fun swimming in a heated pool. sunday we're going to a church to hear one of my favorite preachers, pastor joe johnson at mount hebron church. i know my storm is not yet passed but i know beyond any doubt that the clouds are moving and that is very encouraging to me. i don't yet know what is about to happen in my life, but i can feel its going to be something good and i'm my heart is already rejoicing.

happiness is an inside job...

there's nothing like seeing his little eyes light up when he sees you walk into the room. i love him so much and in the picture he's looking at a card i sent him with some pictures of me and him. he is so smart and i loved getting to hear him talk and laugh. we had so much fun together when he came to georgia.

i was reading a book today that said happiness is an inside job. i immediately thought of Noah and how this little guy can deliver the goods. i love you little buddy...

• whether he's pushing his dump truck
• or turning up the radio in my truck
• when he falls asleep lying on top of me
• or when i wake up with his toes on my face
• after he sees you walk in at his daycare
• or when he's wanting you to chase him at the park
• when he's throwing rocks in the creek
• or when he runs out and heads back to get more
• i love it when he wakes up and starts grinning
• it's amazing to feel his little hand holding on to mine
• when he's falling asleep and you barely hear him breathing
• or seeing him stand on his tip toes
• its beautiful to watch him watching his movie
• i can't get enough of hearing him say daddy
• to hear him pray is precious
• there's nothing like hearing him whisper in your ear

breath of fresh air

something is happening in my life and for the first time in a long time it feels like i can breathe. there's nothing like getting a breath of fresh air from heaven...

Psalms 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

i was standing in church this past Sunday praying as the congregation was singing worship songs and i was enjoying the overwhelming feeling of the presence of God. in my praying i was asking God to rescue me from my storm, i told him i was drowning and had no more strength... in that very moment, the next worship song started with the words "rescue me"... it went on to have almost every thing in it that i prayed. it was God showing me that He was listening to my cry.

i can feel something big is about to happen in my life and to be honest it has shook me to my very core. God has something in store for me that i cannot even imagine. i know He loves me and will make a way for me to be able to move forward in the path He has made for me.

Psalms 23:3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

falling down is the easy part

david was a man after God's own heart, but he also was drawn away by his sinful nature which caused a lot of pain. yet david's life did not end there, he walked on. falling down is a part of life... it's the way i learned how to ride a bike, a horse, a pogo stick, and a unicycle. falling down has always come natural but it's the getting up that comes from a determination not to give up or give in. it's a characteristic that was instilled in me from my parents. i'm not afraid of getting dirty, working hard, and investing all that i have in the ones i love.

my life has taken a lot of falls and getting back up has been hard to do. its not easy to face the truth sometimes, especially when you've given your heart to someone to have it broken. love is a wonderful thing but when its misguided it can lead you into some very dark places and make you think that things will never change.

God has loved me all of my life as long as i can remember. He has watched over me even when i was not watching Him. He has enabled me to lead others to the Cross and allowed me to walk in the paths of righteousness. He has also allowed me to fall away from His path to find myself lost in my own failures. He's allowed my life to become broken and lifeless but not hopeless.

this year could very well be the best year of my life. it could possibly erase all the pain that has pushed me in the darkness and inprisoned me. i believe that God is able to take what is left of me and bless it to make something that can be used to bring Him glory. i can almost hear samson say, "if i could only be used one more time to bring glory to God". i can almost hear david say, if i could but drink one more time from the well which is at bethlehem.. david was in a cave and could hear the roaring battle in the distance, but when he asked for a drink of water, he really didn't want a bucket of water from the well... he wanted to bring glory to God. he was referring to the time in his life when he was strong in the Lord and when he was a man after God's own heart that brought glory to God.

david was a great man, a good man, a man after God's own heart. a man that sought God early and a man that said he would not be satisfied until he awoke in the likeness of God. in otherwords, david was saying that his goal was to bring glory to God and to find a way to be in His presence.

it has felt like i have been battling for my life, my joy, and my fatherhood to my beautiful little boy. i love you Noah more than words could ever say. i want to be in your life and i want you to be in my life. i miss you little buddy, it was so good to be able to talk to you on the phone, i loved hearing you say that you loved me. i love you too and i promise our day is coming soon. when it does, there's no doubt we'll have so much fun with lots of laughing and playing. it will be a good day for sure!

nothing in life happens to me... it happens for me

Romans 8:28 says.. "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose."

God truly gives us the Grace we need in the moment we need it and not a moment before. His Grace is sufficient to meet our need and never fails. God is always right on time. He has knowledge and reasoning that i will never understand in this body.

i feel like something big is about to happen in my life and it's got me feeling funny on the inside. kinda excited and kinda fearful, its almost like a transformation of a butterfly from a cocoon. i have felt like i've been hidden inside a cocoon for a long time but God is about to give me wings. My sins were paid for on the cross and i don't have to carry any guilt anymore. Praise His Holy Name!

Good things come to those who wait and i've been waiting. He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. and i've been seeking... my heart has been very heavy today but a friend of mine prayed with me today and i'm very grateful to have someone who has been an armorbearer for me. i know there is a lot of people praying for me because i can feel it.

i was listening to a preacher tonight and he said, nothing in life happens to me... it happens for me. God is in control and if anything happens, He allows it to happen. and God has promised to take whatever happens and turn it for my good. i'm just gonna keep trusting in that promise.

today was a snow day

just got off the phone with noah and he was talking up so much and telling me all kind of stuff. i can't wait to be with him again and i'm praying for God to give me strength to make it each day. i'm so glad i got to talk to noah, today has been a lonely day for me and i miss being with my family. i know my storm is not over but the clouds are at least beginning to move. not sure what will happen next in my life but i know things are going to get better for me. i am praying for miracle and facing each day, one day at a time.

stayed up late last night with my buddy watching a tom cruise movie called "night and day". it felt good to laugh and have a good time for a little while. it snowed 5 inches last night and i slept in this morning and got up around 10 and cooked myself an egg omelet. me and my buddy rode to town to see if any stores were open and looked at the snow. we picked up a few things and came home to make potato soup. the soup has been cooking for a few hours and we're about to eat.

i've been spending a lot of time talking with God and reading my bible. i know that it won't be long and i'll be writing about what me and my little noah has been doing together.

Songs in the night

went to church today and it felt like God submerged me in His presence. the worship team leader talked about how the scriptures tell us that God gives us songs in the night. night meaning dark times in our life. i loved the worship songs they were singing today. the one that touched me the most was "The More I Seek You" by Christ for the Nations.

The more i seek you, the more i find you.
The more i find you, the more I love you
I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, hear your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

after church i worked a couple of hours blowing leaves and then stopped by Panera Bread and decided to get a frozen caramel drink and a pumpkin muffin top. it's been a few weeks since i endulged with a coffee drink and i thought today was a good day to do it.
it's nice to be able to hear God speak to me and know that my life will be good again. i still don't know how but that's not for me to know but for me to only believe that God can do anything and i believe.

This is a good day!

this is a picture of me, jim grill, enoch, chris, and my datsun 240z i used to have when i lived on berry college campus. i liked that old hat and plan on getting me another one. that was a good day and a good memory to have forever. enoch graduated from high school and we were about to embark on a trip to the smokey mts. we had a blast... climbed the chimney tops, rode a mechanical bull, and had so much fun.

i have been staying warm and eating good. also been doing my push ups and sit ups. been studying to take a windows 7 certification exam. staying busy helps me keep my mind off of terrie and noah. patiently waiting for my lawyer to do his work and work out my custody/visitation rights. i know God has something good for me and if i can just keep praying and being faithful, it will happen in time. i'll be happy again and will get my life back on track. chick fil a corportate called me again and said they are considering me for another position. i have some good job offers on the table and not sure where i will wind up, but God has a plan for me and i feel like i've got my second wind and starting to move out of the valley i've been in for so long. there's been several times in my life when i thought it could get no better and a few times when i thougth i could get no worse. for right now, i'm feeling like things are about to change for me for the good. i've never felt as alone as i have for the past year, but november was a turning point for me when i was told that i could not see my son.

i told God that i could not fix my life and would stop getting in His way. that's all He really asks from us. He wanted me to realize that no matter how hard i tried, i could never do enough to make it right... He was waiting on me to surrender to Him. well, the clouds are moving and the storm that i've been in will pass in God's time not mine. i'm just glad to know that i can make it today. that's what i do now, i concentrate on today and focus on today until i open my eyes in the morning, and then i take the next day. it's helped me to breathe and breathing is a good thing. i love my boys, chris, enoch, and noah!

God is at work in my life

i know God is at work in my life and knows my heart. He has surrounded me with kindness and people that love me. He has kept me warm and sustained me in spite of my sorrows. in the midst of my pain, God has put His arms around me and shown me that i am not alone.

God has reminded me that prayer did not keep Daniel from going to the lion's den but it did ensure that he was not alone when he was cast into the midst of hungry lions. Jesus was there with him and God's word tells us that He shut the mouths of the lions.

i have filed for child custody and visitation rights for my beautiful 2 year old son. his name is Noah and i love him with all of my heart. i am praying that God will give me wisdom and strength while i walk thru this valley. my heart is torn to pieces but God is the carpenter that made this house and He will repair the brokeness of my life. i don't know how and cannot see any resolution but that doesn't mean that God is not at work. my mind cannot comprehend the great things that God has in store for me and the ones i love.