Obedience

during the past 6 weeks, i've heard God speak to me three distinct times with instructions. the first time was just before Christmas when i was at a very troubled time in my life. i know that when you are in a storm, God is either trying to teach you something or else He is asking you to do something... so i prayed that night and asked God, "what do you want?" it was as though he paused and said nothing back for a few minutes, then all of a sudden i heard him say to my heart, "what do YOU want?"

it stunned me because it had been 3 years since i had really heard God speak to me that way. i told Him, i want to be with my family, with my little Noah and my beautiful Terrie. i told Him that i wanted to be a good husband and a good father.. a man that would lead his family to church and in the paths of righteousness. as soon as i said that, He then made it perfectly clear for me to call Steven Ray to schedule a time for us to meet. God wanted me to come clean with my best friend that i had decieved and betrayed. it had been 3 years since i had talked or seen my friend. but he sounded glad to hear me on the phone and agreed to meet me. it was like God lifted a thousand pounds from off my shoulders.

immediately after i got back to Georgia from my Christmas visit, i said to God, ok, whats next? what would you have me to do now? there was no pause, but in the next instant, i felt God telling me to pay my tithe.

last weekend was the first time i have paid my tithe since my life crumbled down around me. after i put my tithe envelope in the offering, sometime happened that i can't explain... except for saying that it felt like God washed my soul clean from all guilt.. it was as though i was transformed into a brand new person. i felt taller, i felt like the prodical son that had just walked into the presence of his father. i believe that this was a major turning point in my life that is to be. i walked out of the church with Terrie and Noah that day with a new outlook on life. for the first time, i felt like i was who God wanted me to be and i was also the man that God wanted Terrie and Noah to have in their life.

on the way home i was praying and thanking God for giving me such a wonderful weekend with my family. i asked Him a personal question about me and terrie. i asked Him if terrie still loved me... i know He didn't have to tell me, but He did tell me... He told me that she really loves me. i can't begin to say just how much that did for me. it removed all the axiety that has been pushing me down, it removed the insecurity of not getting to talk with her everyday. it eased my mind and healed my brokeness.. it gave me a new sense of confidence in myself and in my relationship with terrie.

ealier tonight i was praying and asking God for His next instruction and i felt Him tell me to set aside time everyday to read His Word. i read 10 chapters in Proverbs and could feel the power of life flowing into my soul. with every word that i read, it felt like God was actually talking to me. its amazing to be able to hear God speak to me. with each step of obedience, i feel like the chains of imprisonment are falling off of me. my goal is to be with my family and for that to happen, i will be obey everything God tells me. i know that He has said that if we will delight ourselves in His word, that He will give us the desires of our heart. it's my desire to be with my family. i love you Terrie and i love you Noah...